Story & photos by Hope Jemimah Ogutu, Circle Member
The last time that I wrote for the Way of the Circle newsletter in the spring of 2020, it had a lot to do with grief: Nourishing the Light Within and Around Us. I had an inclination that it was related to the collective, but I couldn’t have conceived just how much grief would be a theme in the coming months with COVID-19. I had mentioned compelling statements such as ‘the great change is upon us’ and I tried to temper that statement in my writing – even tried deleting it all together- but for some reason, this was the message that spirit was communicating through me. And so this time, I will expand some more on this.
With joy, I share that I am no longer in the grieving and have moved on into a new embodiment. The grief was necessary not only on a family level as a woman but in every area of my life as the old was getting dismantled. It was truly troubling for me to watch. For the dismantling involved the dissolving of things that I had cherished and loved so dearly before. Old roles that I was attached to and that I had attached my value to. I could not have perceived the gifts that spirit had lined up for me for my value was much greater than these ‘roles’. Gifts that were in all honesty of a bigger energy. Of a greater capacity of love than I could’ve held before. Where I would be called to step into all of who I am. Without apology. With great abundance of my soul. Not holding back. My soul was saying, “It is all or nothing.” And if I was choosing to be all of who I am, then all of the old would have to come down so that all of the new could emerge.
It was almost as though my soul was saying, “If I have to come in completely, you have to make space for my soul passions too.” This meant uprooting all that was not thriving in my life, even if it meant cherished things that were connected – such as my situation of being separated from my children due to the Hague Convention international law. If it was connected to lack, my soul was saying, “It is going out.” For, the new energy that was coming was very rich, very abundant, seemingly big in comparison to my old limited thinking.
The grief was not a punishment. And at times when the trauma rose to the surface, it felt like loss, like lack, because it involved dear loved ones. But it was a clean up operation by my soul to create the necessary space for not only my potential but for my soul’s passions. I remember that as this space was being created I felt very passion-less and blue. And it seemed like a very monotonous way to live. However, I was very careful during my grieving to not fill that space with old obsessions, compulsions or addictions and to be patient, to trust, to allow the process. For the transformation to reveal itself. On one hand, there were my old human passions, but now that my soul was looking to be more present in my physical experience, it’s passions had to be integrated for true reciprocity.
My human self enjoys things like cooking, intriguing documentaries, sensual tastes and foods. But my soul wants to do big things like start a garden (I have never gardened before), dance a lot – especially hula (never really danced hula but picked it up very quickly), spend lots of time near water (my human self agreed with that), spend time gazing at sunsets (kind of tough on my human eyes, but so filling for my soul that I adjusted). My soul loves the smell of blooming orchids and lilies (which I often found orchids and lilies on sale), my soul enjoys the vibration of crystals (one day I walked into a store and they had a huge crystal sale), and my soul likes the outdoors (and I have probably walked into more outdoor camping sales and giveaways, than I ever have). These are some examples of how the energy of my soul began serving me greatly in my life.
I share this here because as more soul embodiment comes through, passions that will be necessary to keep the soul’s fire burning in the earthly experience will be required. That is, if the soul’s concurrent presence with the human experience is valued, considered worthy, cherished, listened to and acted upon appropriately. It can sometimes feel like a sense of self love. And a sense of listening to inner guidance. So, even though I was well aware of my human passions…what were the new soul passions that would invite more reciprocity of my soul in my daily experience? That would allow my heart to burn with a soothing fire of compassion from my soul?
My soul sent me messages in the form of hearts, as to where it was enjoying its embodiment through me. I found hearts in my garden, heart rocks at the beach after watching the sunset, a heart carved on a tree in the forest, hearts in crystals, hearts in flowers. It was my soul saying “Thank you for valuing me,” “Thank you for including me,” and “Thank you for sharing your human experience with me.” Through more embodiment of my soul, I have journeyed from being unconscious of unconsciousness, to, being conscious of unconsciousness, to now being more conscious of the consciousness of my soul (this is elaborated by Jim Self). In recognizing my soul’s personality and expression – coming through to be seen, to be heard, to be acknowledged – it is present, here and now.
The physical separation to my children that I had to endure during COVID-19 and even now still, seemed to melt away as I began deepening my conscious relationship with my soul. In this dimension, there is truly no separation. And it was perplexing at first. But as I said yes to revealing with my soul’s passions, the grief got less and less and less. Until one day I woke up in the morning and it was gone. The way I envisioned salvation from grief was through the return of my children back home; however, it happened through the return of my soul. Back home within me. Playing big at the level of my soul has reunited me, through listening, oftentimes with the ears of my inner child.
As I am connected to my soul on a genuine level, so am I connected to the soul of my children. It is genuine because the grief of a mother for her children is dense, and this density has dissolved at the truth of my soul. A course in miracles states “There is nothing that my holiness cannot do” and this is a statement I resonate greatly with as it relates to my soul. At this level there is nothing but forgiveness for the seeming injustice that we may have had to endure. I do not condone injustice and I have begun a petition to shed light on the transgressions; however, for me to live in the joy, harmony and presence of my soul, forgiveness is a given. My children’s souls understand that their mother came here this lifetime to realize her soul at a time when not many would consider it a feat worth pursuing. Knowing this allows me to enjoy this new embodiment and revealing with my soul without guilt or shame or lack. And even though it was initially a traumatic experience, I am fulfilling my purpose. Even though it meant temporarily relinquishing the role of ‘Mother’, I was taking on a much more important role of ‘wayshower’ or ‘pioneer’ in the new dimension of being on Earth. For this was the role that was most needed at this time of great change. Without any distractions. This role was showing up as absolutely pivotal.
Being a ‘wayshower’ is actually more subtle than I would’ve thought before. It is a form of daily silent activism. Saying yes to fully embodying my soul, and then moving on through my day through inspiration ( in-spirit-action ). I have begun to live my life with very little planning, just allowing myself to be available to receive my guidance for the day. This I do by emptying myself like a hollow bone each morning before I step out of bed. In order to be a vessel for spirit. Connecting from my crown to the cosmos and my feet to the Earth. It is almost as though I am asking at the beginning of my day, where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say? And to whom? (as is in the course in miracles) Then I just lay there and receive. Whether it is ideas or images or feelings, I pay attention. This is very different from everything society tells us with plans and goals and ambitions. This has been the gift of COVID-19 for me. Staying home in order to reconnect to asking these questions each day rather than operating from societal expectations.
And sometimes I get concerned if I will fall back on my ‘disciplines’ or become ‘less productive’ …but this is far from the truth. I have achieved so much in so little time through the guidance of my soul since COVID-19 began this spring. Most of my tasks are completed with supportive passion that makes even large creative feats unfold with ease. For this is the way of the soul, more efficient achievement with ease and grace. This space is cultivated through nurturing myself with feminine energy that includes lots of rest, play, receiving and creativity, more than I have ever allowed myself before.
This spring I began to receive a real message of sovereignty. For it was a way to create a boundary container where my soul would feel valued, dignified, honoured and safe. So that I would invite more soul embodiment in my human experience. It made me somewhat intolerant, especially of past patterns of victimhood. I realize now why most of my relationships needed to fall away- they were not truly safe. I also became intolerant of the shame that is a great distraction of how worthy each of us are as souls… here embodied in the human experience. I also became intolerant of over-giving without reciprocity. Moving through victimization involved the realization that I can be safe in my body, even if the messages from the outside world seemed unsafe. For I could not control what happened out there… But here in my body was my dominion. And I began to make choices that came from love more often that from fear. These choices of love were made in care and worthiness, because my soul sharing my human experience was valuable to me.
As I returned home to my soul after venturing away due to traumatic events, I realized that the separation that was the most painful, was not from people, or things, or places, or situations. It was the separation from my soul that was most bothersome to my spirit. For trauma, when it is unresolved tends to do that. It diminishes our ability to express our soul significantly. Once my soul embodiment returned home to me, it didn’t matter where I was, with whom, the situation, or the things. It seemed to bring abundant energy, joy, harmony and a sense of magical synchronicity to everything. I no longer looked outside myself for sovereignty, or safety or salvation. Not a judge, not another human, not a government, not a certain economic status, or social stature. In the presence of my soul’s fire, when it is compassionately burning, all is available. All needs just come by synchronicity and guidance is served when I am allowing.
I have found that the great key truly is – allowing. It opens the door to a harmonious process of the universe that supports each one of us. For the state of soul embodiment is our true natural state. For me it was being open to allowing in all parts of me – allowing in my mind, in the cells in my body, in my breath, in my movement. Whether the obstacles were pain, grief, old trauma, injustices, discrimination, physical ailments – to allow, like a flowing river for all of it to unfold into completion. To allow even what was unwanted or seemingly ‘negative’ as well as the good and seemingly ‘positive’. For both the sunsets and sunrises of my life to be held in the sweet nectar of wisdom. Allowing, so that there is a release and a space created for receiving. (Most of the teachings I have received in allowing are available on the Crimson Circle YouTube channel)
And then finally, saying yes to the new passions that emerge from the soul. Letting go of the excuses of , ‘this will cost me , time or money or <insert excuse> ‘. Or wondering ‘how it will come”. Saying yes to guidance that comes through synchronicities, feelings and desires. Allowing the soul’s fire to burn compassionately no matter the situation. A soul fire that brings light to every situation.
May we all realize the passions that feed our soul’s compassionate fire, so that we may live in abundant joy, love and harmony.
Take a walk / journey to one of your favorite places in nature, and feel into why you are enjoying this environment. What drew you here? What about it brings you pleasure? What feelings, images, desires or songs come to you?
Have you been receiving a repeated message to try something new that you haven’t embarked on yet? What is a new passion in your life that you are enjoying or is calling you?
How might your soul be reflecting or communicating back to you? What might it be like to feed the fire of your soul, allowing it to grow brighter and make life lighter?
Hope Jemimah is a Feminine Embodiment coach. She works with influential women who are struggling with unresolved trauma that shows up as anxiety in their lives to have a deliciously deeper connection with their feminine, find freedom from destructive cycles and harness their feminine creative genius. But what she is most passionate about is ushering in a new paradigm of authentic feminine leadership www.hopejemimah.com
She is the host of the Pleasurably Grounded Confident podcast which is a space for women to hear and have provocative conversations that encourage their sovereign freedom. The podcast is a companion to her Pleasurably Grounded Confidence program for women: Pleasurably Grounded Confidence Podcast
The fire of activism was lit up in Hope when she had to suffer the separation from her infant children due to the injustice of the international Hague convention law . She has began a petition to bring awareness to how this law not only threatens women’s rights but children’s rights. In the hope that abused women after her don’t have to endure the same: Change Hague Convention Law in Canada
Grab our Wisdom of Nature Guide
Are you seeking more heart-centred, nature-based practices to help you stay positive and connected? If so, this guide is for you.
A copy of our Wisdom in Nature Guide is on its way to your inbox.